Jersey Shore Family Vacation Recap: Leaving Las Vegas

The boys' Vegas vacation has come to a bittersweet, hungover terminate. Mike has a "full disclosure, full transparencies" human relationship, and so he phones the lovely Laurens, just dorsum from meeting with a florist. He fills her in on the precious night's debauchery: There was a "bounding main of girls" at the club, some of whom (a tributary of girls?) came back to their hotel suite and got varying degrees of naked. Mike didn't practise annihilation wrong, exactly, but the irony of his bride-to-be looking at wedding flowers while he looked at strangers' areolas is non lost on Lauren, who suggests it is peradventure a good time for him to come home.

If y'all plugged the question "Where will Jenni and Angelina meet for dejeuner?" into my powerful patented Jersey Shore 3000 algorithm, it would generate this result: A restaurant called Godfather Pizza. The algorithm is never wrong. They are here to bury the hatchet, possibly in one or the other's faces. Angelina is tired of having everyone else'southward closeness rubbed in her confront; Jenni is tired of the social-media shit-talking. She asks Angelina to be herself, and improbably, they hug. I am an avowed Angelina apologist, so I'm happy to meet her return to the fold, even if she won't manage to remain at that place for long. (The over/under is one.v episodes.) Meanwhile, our Vegas locals Ronnie and Pauly run into up for a spin course. I would never go to a Jersey Shore cast member's club appearance, only a Chelsea Clinton–style SoulCycle class? I wouldn't miss that for the world.

Remember Deena? I miss Deena! Our MIA meatball is positively glowing in a cute pregnancy caftan that I am wondering if I could pull off in normal, not-pregnancy life (no). Nicole and Jenni pick her up in a limo for a schmancy Italian dinner — surprise, the boys are waiting there, as well! Except Ron, that is. The gang is unhappy to hear, via Pauly, that he may very well be dorsum together with Jen. "Keep that shit out of the public centre," Jenni advises in a confessional. "Deal with information technology inside your firm." (Yous guys. I know. You guys.)

The conversation turns, as all of them always seem to, to the shore. Hey, it's summertime — what if they went back, to the fabulous firm, all together? Pauly calls up the contact saved as "Danny T-Shirt Shop" (dear you miss you, Danny) in his telephone. It's happening. I guess somebody sent a fruit handbasket to whoever'due south in charge of approval filming permits in Seaside Heights!

Before nosotros can swoop back in the sweetness hedonism of youth, nosotros learn some disturbing news: Jen has been arrested for domestic bombardment subsequently dragging Ronnie with her car. What is in that location to say about this? It'southward fucked upwards. It'south atrocious. I hope their daughter is okay. (Also, just a reminder that, in fourth dimension and space equally we know it, these people remain an on-once more-off-again couple.)

A week later, our grown-up hooligans head for Ocean County. Most of the episode from here is an Olympic-sized pool of shameless nostalgia that I am more than than happy to take a dip in. There is prune later on prune of uncannily young, uncannily bronzed faces engaging in GTL and T-Shirt Time. We rewitness Deena's arrest, Nicole'due south arrest, and Jenni peeing behind the bar at Karma, and then thoughtfully watering her urine puddle down. I love all of it. Is this why people who similar superhero movies like superhero movies?

Angelina and Nicole are the start to arrive, pulling in front of the unmistakable garage door painted in its proud Italian flag colors. They lug their suitcases upward the front steps. "Party's here," Nicole yells, followed by Angelina shrieking her trademark "Um, helloooooo," as was prophesied centuries agone. Nicole packed both Crocodilly (more likely a spiffy new Crocodilly) and the most recent incarnation of the duck telephone. Angelina says she doesn't remember much, which makes sense, given how brief her original trash-handbag-filled tenure on the shore really was. (If you're keeping track, this will be Angelina and Deena's showtime Jersey vacation together. "That's more my firm than her house — just saying," says Deena on the ride over, and she is technically correct.) The girls take a self-guided tour, vino glasses in hand. The deck is still decorated with furniture that is both outdated and definitely non intended to alive outdoors. "There was a fight here, someone was having sexual practice in that location, there was booze and chugging over there. A lot of shit went downwardly in this house," Nicole fondly recalls.

Mike and Vinny are side by side through the front door, and Angelina reassures them, relatably, that she'due south "absurd now, and nice." "Information technology smells exactly the same," Deena declares of the house. "Similar a seashell."

Angelina and Vinny snap correct back to their abrasive siblings dynamic. He parades around wearing her back caryatid; "Vinny, but allow me know if you want me to get close to you lot," she teases. "Why?" Nicole asks. "Would you do it!" Angelina acts horrified at the suggestion. Deena, reminding us why we demand her among us, brings upwardly an extremely reasonable question: "Tin I just ask, why practise you non similar him? What caused the antagonism?"

The root of their strife dates back to before Jersey Shore was fifty-fifty a twinkle in SallyAnn Salsano's heart. Angelina maintains they knew each other growing upward on Staten Isle, but that when they moved into the shore firm, Vinny rudely pretended he didn't know who she was. He used to engagement her friend, she insists! They only met, like, twice, he insists! Then Angelina drops a bomb: They went to high school together. Vinny says he didn't know that —he describes her in a confessional equally an "urban fable," which, okay, is pretty funny — but I don't buy information technology. (Did you get to high schoolhouse with Angelina and Vinny? I want to hear from you. Please send whatever tips to jerseyshoreserialseason4@mollyfitz.net, and yep, that email address works.) Also, not for nothing, but they did bang that one fourth dimension.

Ronnie FaceTimes in to ostend that he isn't going to make it to the shore — he seems in relatively good spirits, showing off his sling to the camera. The gang all misses him, simply universally concord that his staying home with his daughter is the correct choice. Anybody — including yous and me and the cabinets of our respective Bailiwick of jersey Shore TV-book clubs — needs a suspension.

Reunited once more, Nicole, Jenni, Deena, Angelina, Mike, Vinny, and Pauly toast to "Seaside!" with shot-sized red Solo cups, a drinking innovation that I don't believe existed back in the old days. How far we've come.

Jersey Shore Family Holiday Recap: Leaving Las Vegas